08 February 2006

Valentine's Day meme

Tan Yee Wei, what a naughty boy. My hands are full of a feature-length film, you go and tag me some more. What a fascist/dictator/neo-imperialist leader....

Write a short romantic excerpt of a facist/ dictator/ neo-imperalist leader [e.g.] George Bush, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, etc.

So here goes....


The Great Emperor stalked through the manicured lawns of his palace. Absently adjusting his turban, Shah Jehan mulled over his problem: gifts.

Flowers were not a good idea. Too common.

A new nose jewel for the wife? Too troublesome. She already had seven. The last one shone so brightly that courtiers went blind for a week. The Empress herself was cross-eyed for a month afterwards. It had been a difficult time.

The most powerful conqueror in all India continued to wrestle with his problem again, pausing briefly to chase away a couple of inquisitive peacocks.

‘The curse of Intractable Dandruff upon this St. Valentine!’ he burst out. The business of conquering and running India would grind to a halt at this time every single year. Princes, Ministers and war heroes alike were reduced to simpering idiots and for what? So they could all consider how best to please their wives.

Now, there was an idea. He would make every day St. Valentine’s Day for people he didn’t like. It was nasty, but appropriate. He didn’t like those people, the Empire didn’t like them, not even their wives liked them. Punishing miscreants with living St. Valentine’s Day every day would make everyone happy.

Especially the wives.

Shah Jehan twirled his moustache in delight.

‘Prime Minister!’ he called over his shoulder. ‘The men who are to be executed: reprieve them. The Empire is merciful even unto traitors.’
'Your Majesty?'

‘Yes, mercy. Henceforth, every day of their lives shall be St. Valentine’s Day.’
The Prime Minister gaped at him. When he found his voice again, it was a shocked whisper. ‘Every day?’
‘Every day.’

Shah Jehan had several sleepless nights as his lack of inspiration continued to frustrate him. He was no closer to a present for his wife when his Prime Minister approached with news of the realm.

‘O my Emperor. Your mercy has been a great success! The people do love you for it.’
‘And what of the doomed?’
‘O Conqueror of India, Right Arm of the Prophet, many of the pardoned are no more.’
'Truly, my Emperor. Rather than spend their days pleasing their wives, the Usurers of Udaipur threw themselves before a convoy of elephants. The Dastardly Drug Dealers of Delhi purified themselves
en masse in the Great Ganges. The Maharaja of Patna, who did plot against you, was found dead by the Maharani this morning. He was sat uncomfortably on a fence.’
‘A fence?’
‘A most pointed fence. Also, the former Minister for Public Works went hunting for tigers by himself. He has not been seen for days and is presumed eaten.’
‘And that white building he’s been stealing Imperial funds to build?’
‘It belongs yet to the Empire, O Emperor.’

Shah Jehan thought about that for a while. The building did not have any obvious use, even though it cost a vast sum of money. White marble was very expensive but it did look very nice.

‘The Empress Mumtaz shall have it.’ he decided.
‘Your Majesty?’

‘Yes. Such a magnificent home, for a beautiful wife. It should have a beautiful name. I shall call it the Taj Mahal.’

Judging from the whining I get from guy friends at this time every year, that's how the Taj Mahal came to be. But don't come to plink asking for lessons in history; gerenti F9 punye....

Edit 09/02/06: Everyone who wants to is tagged. I think this is called spreading the love. Go on, it's Valentine's Day. You know you want to!


At 11:52 pm, Blogger Lao Chen said...

Whee you did it!

At 1:09 am, Blogger Simple American said...

Neat story.

At 1:14 am, Blogger plink said...

YeeWei: Yep, but a very strange meme, no?
SAm: Thanks muchly. Are you having a go too? ;)

At 2:55 am, Blogger Lao Chen said...

Yeah, very few rules and way too much freedom of expression.

At 12:41 pm, Anonymous yvy said...

i kenot do this lar. :(

At 4:55 pm, Blogger plink said...

Yvy: No problemlar.... See, I made stuff up *OOPS!* then simply bantai onry wat...
YeeWei: BlogAgoraphobia.

At 6:59 pm, Blogger eyeris said...

and what the heck does my fence post have to do with your story???? :D

At 3:01 am, Blogger plink said...

Oops eyeris! Sorry, email notification not working well.
The fence post(ing)s had very little to do with the story, but it was too good an opportunity to (ab)use the phrase. :D

At 11:31 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it! »


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