29 March 2006

Fashionista! Cry Out For Me In The Maldives

A lesser-known derivative of the opera LBita opens this weekend. The abridged script follows the journey of a fashion victim wracked by guilt over the vacuous life she has lived. In a few short days on vacation in the Maldives, her life changes forever.
Albie Lloymaikai Webber and Camayron Mackintosh’s Really Hamsup Productions Company present Fashionista! A story of love, ambition, redemption and forgiveness.

Audience reaction from its first run:
LBita with all the hamsup bits taken out.’ Au N. Tie [smiling]
LBita with all the hamsup bits taken out.’ C. Ko Peck [glum]
‘How come no bad language and fighting wan?’ A. H. Beng
‘Eeyerr… why so angmor wan? How about fashions from Japan and Korea and…?’ Ho W. Lian
‘Must watch LBita first, then watch this wan.’ plink

Cry Out For Me In The Maldives

*to the music of Don't Cry For Me Argentina*
[strings/violin and horns intro]

This is quite silly, it feels so strange
Though I know that our friends are close by
It’s so quiet it seems that we are all alone
Why do you watch me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she’s dressed up to the nines
Here in the Maldives with you

We could just let it happen, why don’t we change
My surgeon has made a new nose
And with help from the botox
I now look twenty-one
Now I have freedom
Running around trying everything new
But something was wrong all along
I needed someone you know

Cry out for me in the Maldives
And I swear I’ll never leave you
All through my wild days, my maddest dress-sense
And when I wear heels, help keep my balance

And shoulder pads and the gold lame
Like dresses buried in sequins
I have been in them all; they were all I desired
They are illusions, they’re not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
Please save the fashion victim in me

Cry out for me in the Maldives

Cry out for me in the Maldives
And save me from fashion madness
Like six-inch platforms, and 80s Big Hair
And I’ll be yours now, and go the distance

Have I said too much,
There’s nothing more I can think of to say to you
But there’s the bed and there’s the furry handcuffs so you know
That every word is true

Also coming from Albie Llormaikai Webber, in conjunction with the Really Hamsup Production Company and Camayron Mackintosh, the song cycle T**w Me On A Sunday, featuring the hit single Take That Hamsup Look Off Your Face....

27 March 2006

Phantom of The Lormaikai, Pt. II

Two songs here, presented by Albie Lloydmaikai to complete the Phantom of The Lormaikai. Part one is here. Part Two is coming soon to a theatre near you....

*curtain up*

It is deep inside the catacombs of the Sin Hock Seng kopitiam (near what used to be Daya Superstore and Maybank) and it is dark. In the heavy air of approaching thunderstorms, steam cannot rise but rolls down from the large bamboo trays where lormaikai is cooking. Amid the swirling mist of lormaikai steam stands a lonely figure, his face masked by a teacloth towel.
Eyeing the mamak across the road and Christine beside him (Phantom got two eyes mah), The Phantom of The Lormaikai begins to sing.

Drink teh tarik tonight

*to the music of The Music of The Night*

Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Small cups filled with liquid fascination
Silent tea infusions
Soothe the day’s confusions
Friends all gathered by the evening light
Come let us drink teh tarik tonight

Slowly, gently, drink to all the good times
Smell it, taste it, share some very bad rhymes
See how it is steaming
Flavour so deceiving
Burns like justice, salves like being right
Won’t you have more teh tarik tonight

Close your eyes let the fragrance gently touch your heart
You and I will then not be far apart
With one drink It’s easy to pretend
That the tea is what it ought to be

Quickly, smartly, tea flies between tankards
Hear it, feel it, pour backwards and forwards
Open up your mind, watch your mamak just unwind
As he ‘pulls’ this steaming drink, one of a kind
What kind of drink? A teh tarik tonight

Close your eyes have another one with something new
An aroma you never knew before
Close your eyes and then drink your ginger tea
Only then don’t come too close to me

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch it, trust it, savour each sensation
Mi goreng, thosai, roti canai would you say
All are worthy of our national drink’s might
To complement our teh tarik tonight

My waistband is getting very tight
I’ve had too much of teh tarik tonight....

Dedicated to Yvy (who has some idea of what this feels like, presumably) and to Ted (who will probably find out soon, if he hasn’t already)


A young woman ducks into the Sin Hock Seng kopitiam (near what blabla yadayadayada) on a a stormy afternoon. The roar of wind-driven rain all but drowns out the distant thunder. Towards the back of the kopitiam is a mass of roiling steam, the lormaikai stall. Rain-soaked and hungry, Christine starts to pick her way through the crowded kopitiam.
A bright flash of lightning blows out all the lights. As Christine stands blinking in the sudden darkness, from where there had only once been steam, a masked figure (teacloth towel again) steps out. And some very familiar organ chords fill the air....

Phantom of the Lormaikai

*to the music of The Phantom of The Opera*

Blue: Char Siew
Not blue: Ah May/Christine

Inside the kopitiam / I know he’s there
When fragrance fills the room / He’s everywhere
And when I start to dine / I always find
The Phantom of the Lormaikai is there / Inside my mind

Come have again with me / Our strange diet
My awesome
lormaikai / Grows stronger yet
You’ll give your love to me / For love is blind
The Phantom of the Lormaikai am I / One of a kind

Flavour from
Kampong Kai / And sometimes deer
Lap cheong you also use / ‘Hou heong’ I hear
How could then I refuse / My food so fine
The Phantom of the Lormaikai is there / Please form one line

Eat once again with me / Our strange diet
Those who love
hor yip faan / Come closer yet
They come from near and far / Their love is blind
The Phantom of the Lormaikai is now / Best of my kind

Herelah, this table got space (He’s there, the Phantom of The Lormaikai. Haaa…. *angel of music / lormaikai style*)
Have one more time with me our strange diet (Aaa…)
My pahwer Lormaikai grows stronger and stronger (AaAa…)
Eat first die later, no need
Gaam Fei that kind diet, (AaaAaa)
Eatlar! The Phantom of the Lormakai is
Chiu Khup Mo Tuck Teng! (AAa)
No got MSG wan! Gerenti Ho Sek! (AAA and two notes up)
Summore got spesel offer! Buy five packet free two VCD!

Dedicated to none other than the Phantom of the Lormaikai himself, Albie Lloydmaikai Bangchai and also to TheMonthofChristine.

*curtains down*

21 March 2006

The Blog(u) 21: Starry Starry Night

‘Oops. Excuse me.’ plink hiccupped again in embarrassment and a pink spark joined the little blaze of thought fluttering before her.
‘Do you know what to do?’ she asked the twin sparks.
The twinkling sparks, one white and one pink, blinked agreement. Rising ever higher, they trailed behind them the starry fire of plink’s love. As they rose, the two sparks drew closer and closer. A bright flash of light lit the vault of the sky as they came together, then four bright lights spiraled towards the heavens.
Another flash, eight lights. Once more and sixteen bright little stars blazed joyously in the evening sky.
‘Go now. Go tell everyone.’
Sixteen stars blinked as one, then arced away in sixteen different directions.

The little star came floating down from the sky. Darting uncertainly one way, then another, it clearly did not know where to go next. Ghoul was used to that. Being unseen and unfelt was nice in some ways, but the mail did take some time to catch up.
Ghoul watched as the little pink spark bobbed closer, then went up to it. Still unseen, Ghoul asked it, ‘Were you looking for me?’

Kucing Gatal was tidying up around the house when she heard a knock at the door. She had not been expecting visitors and so was doubly surprised when she went to answer it. The source of the polite little tap on her front door was a little bubble of pink lightning. A very familiar little bubble of pink lightning.

Browsing through the blogtrees, Yvy was adding her comments to the twinkling fires of thought that flitted from blog to blog. As the little girl wrote and thought, she became aware that something was watching her. Steeling herself, Yvy whirled around to confront a very startled pink invitation.

Swirling lights ablaze around his head, the Ghost Hunter sat at meditation in his training hall. Drifting slowly down through the rafters, almost like a pink snowflake, a new thought joined his ideas.
Eyes unopened, the Hunter smiled.
‘It’s about time.’

The good doctor was sat scribbling away at a prescription on his desk. A nurse poked her head around his door, ‘Look doc, see what came in the mail.’
‘Can eat one or not?’ The good doctor did not look up.
‘Er… cannot.’
‘Can throw away one or not?’
Hamisu eat also cannot, throw away also cannot?’
‘Invitation ler doc,’ Blizzard waved the little globe of pink lightning at him.
He eyed the nurses suspiciously. ‘Invitation ar? Wedding bomb izzit? RM100? RM200? How much now?’
‘Nolar, invitation only. See?’
And he did.

Queen Min of the Forest had been contemplating the ever-changing face of the river when she saw an unfamiliar light reflected from the sky. She raised her face to gaze at the little star that fell gently from the heavens.
‘Come,’ she beckoned and it went obediently to her outstretched hand.
‘More comments?’ asked the Queen Fy of the Rivers. Smiling knowingly, Queen Min shook her head.
‘Nay, sister queen. Not comments.’
‘What is it then?’ asked the Queen of the Hills.
Holding forth plink’s invitation, the Forest Queen said quite simply, ‘Courage.’

02 March 2006

Big heads and plink

Conference. I will be at a conference this weekend.

[code-switching alert]

I find myself asking: What is a little plink doing at a conference? Regional big names (TuaLiapThau to you and me) from industry and academia alike are going to be there.

My only consolation is that I will be away from home for a few days. There is not much joy in that because there is so much left still to do, especially that second project.

It would be nice if we could do this as a video conference, but people I spoke to seemed to want an excuse to party away from home. Seik pau mo yeir jou, izzit?

Just to make things even more interesting, plink is not well. My nose is running like the Olympic Speed Skating Rink at the moment (refrigeration turned off mah...). My eyes are red and teary, plus I can't hear too well.


Apparently, I'm not speaking clearly either.

Someone please tell me that this is entirely innocent and not something I picked up while being naughty in a time and place that I can't remember.

Oh no, is my memory starting to go too?!

[/code-switching alert]