27 April 2006


If ever a meme was worth doing, it'd have to be one that wasn't being posted and reposted across the blogosphere. This one is nice. I found it first on Yvy's blog and then again on Yee Wei's.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
’…only as a pair of fingers poking into his mouth (and soon enough he…).’ Misery; Stephen King. Must finish reading it at some point.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
But it’s still only as long as my right arm.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Go Warrior, Korea on the Discovery Channel. Tan Yee Wei may be interested: it’s about TaeKwonDo. I was also rushing around doing morning things, so this might not qualify as ‘watching’.
The last thing I watched (and still am watching) is a DVD serial in Hindi, Mahabharat. Although the English subtitles are adequate, Bengrish would better
4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
6.00pm.... It’s a good thing I wear a watch, my handphone has a clock and there are clocks all over the house….
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The wind in the trees outside. Not the sort of thing that FantasyFlier needs to hear; not before midnight anyway. Hope your jet lag goes away quickly Unker FF!
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
This afternoon. Lunch?
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Blogs. Oh, the shame!
9. What are you wearing?
If I told you, you’d all go blind.
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes. See above.
11. When did you last laugh?
Last night. See above.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Love, mostly (stop laughing OI!). The house I’m in is more than just a home. I feel the love and the fights in every breath I take. Fear, celebrations and more echo with every step. All of this fills the house, it’s walls and the air within. And when a breeze stirs the air you can almost hear it speak.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
The Rojakz forum. Weird, but very nice.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Yvy said ,"let’s just say I prefer the ones where I can unleash my creative vocabulary." YeeWei agrees.
So do I
15. What is the last film you saw?
Shrek 2.
16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Everyone who has wound me up. Then I’d rent them out to Japanese Endurance Programmes.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
My favourite colours are blue and red. What colour are my eyes? I’m only ever half-right. Grr….
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
19. Do you like to dance?
Too much, but I haven’t the skills or the training. A certain Fireangel may have some idea of how I feel.
20. George Bush.
Ai yo
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Dollah (Geddit? Geddit? :D)
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Consider, yes. Actually do it… not sure.
24.What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
’Welcome to the real world.’
25. Five (5) people who just might want to do this meme in their journal.
You all know who you are, so get on with it!

24 April 2006

My Fair Lady; Malaysian style

Not far from the Sin Hock Seng Kopitiam at SS2, is another coffee shop, the self-styled Restoran Limho Mee Yorke (sic). Professor LinPeh, the renowned orange-haired linguistician, is near to defeat.
Sat at a table with his friend
Chee K. Peckering, the good professor laments his failure to transform the Western-educated Eliza Nozalot into a class-A Ah Lian.
Eliza pays no attention. She concentrates instead on speaking into a strange device, little more than a tube connected to the innards of Robert’s Char Koay Teow gas burner. The blue and orange flames flicker slightly as Eliza practices her Benglish….
N.B: Special glossary at end of post. ;)

Eliza: ‘Aiya. ‘Aiya. [frowns]
PLP: Dielah. Cannot oreddy. [shakes head]
CKP: Yalah. Jialat. Where can make MSc to sounds like proper Ah Lian?
Eliza: ‘Aiya. ‘Aiya. [frowns]
PLP: Say 'Haiyah!' orso cannot. Robert’s fire also cannot up! [to server] Lenglui!
Server: Mau minum apa?
PLP: Teh ais satu. [turns back to CKP] Yammkung lor. How to win bet liddis?
Eliza: Haiyah. [flame]
PLP/CKP: o_O?!?!
Eliza: Haiyah!. [FLAME]
CKP: By George, she’s got it. By George, she’s got it!
PLP: Li kong simmik?
CKP: Soli, soli! I meant walauweh, show kaler orredy worr….
Eliza: HAIYAH! [F..L..A..M..E.!]
CKP: By G… Wahlau!
PLP: -_-``
[roll music intro]
Eliza: Hurricanes Hardly Happen In Hertfordshire. [flameflameflameflame]
PLP: Woi… dunpraypraylah!
Eliza: Teehee…. Acherly horr [flame], Hari-cane Heppern in Hon-diu-larse. [flameflameFLAME!]
CKP: Hosay liao! And rain orways fall where?
Eliza: On the plane! On the plane!
PLP: And where this plane?
Eliza: [sings] Air Asia mya plane!
CKP: Nao hiah! Sibeh ho liao!
Everyone: [dance fengtao] Air Asia plane always kena by rain ….

Special glossary:
Jialat: adj; hopeless, situation irrecoverable. Hokkien
Lenglui: n; lit. ‘pretty girl,’; mode of address for young lady. Cantonese.
Lengjai: n; lit. ‘pretty boy,’; mode of address for young man. Cantonese.
Haiyah: interj; expression of exasperation. Malaysian/Singaporean.
Yammkung: adj; see jialat. Cantonese.
Li kong simmik: interr; ‘what are you saying?’ Hokkien/Singaporean.
Walauweh: interj; expressing incredulity. Singaporean/Malaysian
Wahlau: interj: expressing incredulity. Singaporean/Malaysian
Show kaler: lit. ‘showing colours,’ to show true nature or the full extent of skill or ability. Malaysian/Singaporean (thanks Yvy)
Dunpraypray: lit. ‘don’t play-play,’ to stop joking around. Singaporean/Malaysian.
Hosay: adj. Best possible outcome. Hokkien.
Nao hiah: interj. lit ‘your elder brother,’; expressing disbelief. Singaporean
Sibeh: adj. Indicating superlative form of adjective to follow. Hokkien Singaporean.
Sibeh ho: adj. The very best. Hokkien Singaporean.
Fengtao: v; Far Eastern headbanging. Cantonese.

21 April 2006

My Fair SCB

A group of people file onto an empty stage. One of their number, a small figure in front, blows a set of tuning pipes.
And to the music of With A Little Bit Of Luck from My Fair Lady, they begin to sing....

The Lord above made many many bloggers
Then looked around and saw that all were men
The Lord above made many many bloggers but,
With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
God got down to making Siao Char Bor
With a little bit
With a little bit
God got down to making Siao Char Bor
With a little bit
With a little bit
Siao Char Bor got made: that’s our good luck!

With KNN and ‘shove it up his backside’
With HKC and TNMCH!
With KNN and ‘shove it up his backside/butt’
With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
Siao Char Bor don’t need no disclaimer
With a little bit
With a little bit
Siao Char Bor don’t need no disclaimer
With a little bit
With a little bit
Siao Char Bor jin gau meir lang chau uar! 1

The Lord above made men to be bad drivers
They always go and kacau Siao Char Bor
The Lord above made men to be bad drivers but
With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
They go off and kena big saman 2
With a little bit
With a little bit
They go off and kena big saman
With a little bit
With a little bit
They go off and kena big saman

The Lord above made Siao Char Bor a lenglui
Red-blooded males see already want to kau 3
The Lord above made Siao Char Bor a lenglui but
With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
Siao Char Bor has had her exit planned
With a little bit
With a little bit
Siao Char Bor has had her exit planned
With a little bit
With a little bit
Why Ah Bengs all look for Siao Char Bor?

She’s now asleep and we all want to wake her
She might not see but we know she can hear
She’s now asleep and we all want to wake her but
With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
One day soon Siao Char Bor will get well
With a little bit
With a little bit
One day soon Siao Char Bor will get well
With a little bit
With a little bit
One day soon Siao Char Bor will get well

Siao Char Bor owes her fans a dinner date
Promised char siew, siew yoke and coffee
Siao Char Bor owes her fans a dinner date, yes but
With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
When she gets well we all belanja 4
With a little bit
With a little bit
When she gets well we all belanja
With a little bit
With a little bit
Siao Char Bor jom pergi big makan! 5

1. Siao Char Bor has uber-l337 skillz at pwning n008 dr1v3r2 (Hokkien)
2. Saman: traffic summonses and/or spot-fine (Malay)
3. Kau: attempted pick-up e.g. 'I think heaven must be missing an angel....' (Cantonese)
4. Belanja: our treat
5. Siao Char Bor, let's all go have a large (celebratory) meal (Manglish)

Siao Char Bor, we're praying and hoping for your swift recovery. Then we can have the big makan that we've been promising! :)

19 April 2006

The Blog(u) 22: Incoming

Busy pink lightning swirled and crackled inside the little cottage as plink scribbled furiously at her desk. Half-seen, half-felt, ghostly images of the little one faded in and out of existence, dusting, sweeping and putting away the laundry. Humming quietly to herself, plink prepared her blog for its opening day.
The little cottage shook gently as another blogtree took root. Wreathed in that strangely coloured lightning, a shoot sprang from the ground towards the gloriously bright sun above. Branches appeared, then disappeared as plink edited her entries. Leaves, few at first then growing ever more, spread shade under that tree.
Pausing briefly to sip at Misai’s Brew, plink continued her busy work. With a sweep of her hand, a half dozen grey moths were set free. Then she sneezed.
Paying little attention to the six fiery comets that ricocheted between the walls, the floor and ceiling, plink continued to sip at the brew and write. So intent was plink on what she was doing that the surface of Misai’s Brew rippled unnoticed.
plink wrote, it rippled.
plink edited, it rippled.
plink noticed. It rippled again.
plink stopped. Another ripple.
Then she felt it: a footfall. Misai’s Brew rippled yet again. A shadow fell over the little one. She turned and came face to face with Kucing Gatal.
‘Hi plink. I heard you were opening your blog and wondered… did you want any help?’

12 April 2006

The Mushroom

I am a mushroom. I don’t know what to think. I am told that a mushroom cannot think. Maybe that is it.
Once upon a time, I was told that a mushroom could only be. A mushroom could not hope to be anything better; a mushroom could not hope.
Then I became a rose. Now I tell you that it was most strange. I took on a shape that I was not before, a colour and radiance that I had not before and a fragrance that I issued not before.
All was changed.
Once before I existed only to scatter spores; then I became a thing of beauty and an object of desire. Once before, I, a common mushroom, needed no defence; then I grew thorns. And cloaked in their danger, did my beauty grow and I became yet more desirable.
Then, as quickly as I had been changed before, I became a mushroom again.
Changed, without so much as a by-your-leave.
Changed, without being asked.
Changed without being told.
Someone could have said in the beginning, ‘This is magic of the most dangerous kind and you are going to be a rose.’ Someone might have said the next night, ‘We are going to change you back and there is not a thing you can do about it.’ Yet who could have bothered with a mushroom?
What is it with the main characters in any story? How do they get away with sneezing on innocent mushrooms? Don’t they know their every decision affects others as well?
Doesn’t a mushroom have a right to live Happily Ever After too?

Update 13 April 2006
What was all the fuss about? I watched Shrek 2 last night and couldn’t help but wonder about the mushroom. You know, the solitary mushroom that stood between Shrek and friends as they were arguing about who was the best one to literally swallow the risk of Fairy Godmother’s Happily Ever After Potion; that’s the one.
On the one hand, there is the feeling that the mushroom received its comeuppance. It did grow alone when other mushrooms had enough sense to sprout in little clumps, so serves it right when it got sneezed on (if it did not choose to grow on its own, then what followed takes on a slightly different light).
For this was the mushroom that transformed in the rainstorm, even as Shrek, Puss In Boots and Donkey ran for shelter. This was the mushroom that became a single red rose. Did Shrek and friends unwittingly oppress this mushroom by accidentally denying its right to continue to be a mushroom?
At the end of the story, when Princess Fiona chose to remain true to herself (and also to Shrek), when the transformations of Shrek, herself and Donkey were reversed, I am sure the same thing happened to the rose. Having had just one day to get used to being a rose, it would have found itself a mushroom once more. Did Princess Fiona and company (again) unwittingly oppress the rose-mushroom by snatching away its new life as a rose? Was it not the worst form of cruelty, to let this mushroom be a rose for a fleeting moment, then disregard its right to continue to be a rose? Even if it had wanted to be a mushroom once more, should it not have been allowed to choose?

10 April 2006

Mission Implinkable: Cold Water trailer

SAm, LB, Yvy, metria, may, KG and HA crowd around Yee Wei, who is opening a little brown paper packet.

'What is it?'
'Teddy bears!'
'It's a cicak.'
'Maybe a model car.'
‘Or even… a durian!’

A very familiar tape recorder emerges, to everyone's disappointment. With the same, famous click, it starts to play.

*roll U2's sexy slow version of the Mission Impossible theme*

Good morning, team. As you may or may not know, the world of performing arts is currently in a state of ferment. Someone or a few someones are taking songs of playwrights and mangling them with shoddy lyrics.’

* LB quickly assumes an air of nonchalance, whistling tunelessly *

Although the results are hilarious, it is also wrong and we at the Impossible Missions Foundation have to put a stop to it. That’s where you come in. Your unique mixture of talents will be invaluable in this enterprise. You will first have to find out who is committing these crimes against humanity and then bring them to justice. Or bring justice upon them, then find out who they are. Whatever.

As always, if you or any member of your Impossible Missions Force are captured and made to go to the local Balai, the director will disavow any and all knowledge of your
hamsup activities. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds.

Then it starts to burn, smoke curling from underneath the little box as flames start up inside.

‘AIYA!!! FIRE!!' From out of nowhere, plink dashes in and dumps a bucketful of cold water over the smoky, tangled mess.

'WOOIII!!!' comes the vast groan of chagrin from the assembled team.

'What?' plink looks around in confusion. 'What did I do?'

*end MI theme with rattles, horns and drums*

06 April 2006

Do you know where you're going to?

I get this feeling that there is someone out there searching for something, searching for someone.
I wonder who it is and who they are looking for....

Actually, I DO know who it is. I know also that they have been looking for me for the longest time.

If you have just finished your finals and are presently hanging out because your significant other is still having exams;
If you have been told that I have a blog but did declined the URL because you 'enjoy the thrill of the chase,';
If you have flown by this blog a couple of times before and not known...

I'm here.


05 April 2006

Armageddon a headache....

Tan Yee Wei, your name is mud.

Just when I thought it was safe to get back into the blogosphere, just when it felt cool enough to dip my toes back in again. Just when the blog-apple looked safe enough to eat, along came Yee Wei and....

YeeWei: Buy a blog-apple from an old crone.
plink: *blinkblink* Arr?
YeeWei: I'm old and feeble and... won't you buy an apple from an old woman?
plink: Eh, you talking what?
YeeWei: *gives up* Look.... Apple to you. Money to me. Buy. Apple.
plink: Oh yar!
plink: *Grab apple* *give money* *Eats apple*
YeeWei: Oh by the way, you've been tagged. *smirkz*
plink: Eh, you're not an old w.... *pengsan*

The Rules : Write a composition using the following 10 words. The composition is not to be more than 300 words in length. The words must be used in the order found on the list. Each word presented in the list must be used only once.

The Words :
Actinide / Juvenescence / Ease / Oval Office / Cottager / Accede / Biryani / Crashing / Screenplay / Space shuttle

And before I awake (and go pelt Yee Wei with more blog-apples), here's what I dreamed:

Actinide….’ Sadie pondered her chemistry textbook. As she sat in a crowded school library amidst a quietly swirling mass of juvenescence, Sadie’s eyes still saw, but read nothing. Sadie and her teachers were always worried about her attention span. The ease with which Sadie lost concentration was of great concern across town.
At the Oval Office, under a portrait of George Washington, the President sought answers.
Cottager. What kind of a name is that?’
‘Sorry, Mr. President. Our random names generator gets weird once in a while.’
The President pondered that for a while. ‘And Hollywood?’
‘They will accede to our demands, Mr. President.’
‘Good. I don’t like them using our own citizens for this kind of thing,’ the President jumped out of his chair and began pacing the room. ‘What kind of a sick mind thinks up these shenanigans anyway?’
‘Sorry,’ his Chief of Staff apologized, putting down his cellphone. ‘That's lunch today. The Indian embassador sends his compliments.’
‘Concentrate, Jim, concentrate. What kind of twisted individual messes with the minds of children? If word gets out, this could all come crashing down on us. Nobody will believe that we’ve only just found out today.’
The Chief of Staff shifted nervously in his seat. ‘Mr. President, you would not believe me if I told you.’
‘Try me.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘It’s true. The FBI and the NSA agree that screenwriters in Hollywood are behind this, Mr. President. They have implanted very small computers in the thirteen children involved; computers that harness the limitless imaginations of their minds.’
‘To write the greatest screenplay of all time, of course.’
‘What have they come up with?’
‘Something about a meteorite, a space station and a space shuttle.’
‘Dear God…. This means….’
‘Armageddon. Yes, Mr. President.'
‘The Lord have mercy….’

(menulis 300 patah perkataan... plinkometrico!)